Uncollaring The Porn Biz

Uncollaring The Porn Biz

Any banking regulator who thought that the porn business was going to take auto-erotic asphyxiation lying down (or kneeling, or bending over an ottoman, or suspended upside down from various Cirque du Soleil circus apparati) now knows better. In yet another litigious response to Operation Choke Point (paid subscription required), a trade group for payment processors sued a federal banking regulator for pressuring banks that “serviced” purveyors of pornography to “choke the chicken” (that laid the golden eggs).

In a court filing Thursday, the Third Party Payment Processors Association alleged that FDIC examiners coerced and intimidated banks to end their relationships with companies that processed payments for porn businesses.

The examiners’ push happened shortly after the FDIC’s release in 2011 of a list of industries that it said warranted heightened attention by banks, according to the court papers. The list of industries included pornography, ammunition sales, payday lending, purveyors of racist materials, dating services, Ponzi schemes and coin dealers.

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“FDIC examiners’ targeted enforcement against the pornography industry was the advent of its improper practice of moralistic regulation over the banking industry,” the filing argues. “Regulators did not target the pornography industry because there was evidence of fraud relative to that industry.”

On the record, the FDIC refused to comment. Our usually unreliable inside sources, however, have speculated that if certain bionically-augmented female porn stars had merely agreed to accompany highly-placed FDIC officials on a whirlwind “Around The World In 80 Minutes” tour, all this “choking” might have by-passed the bottleneck of the porn business. Apparently, when certain “professional escorts” claim in their online ads that they are “classy,” they mean that even they can only limbo so low.

As we discussed a couple of months ago, the FDIC has taken the position that it never intended to warn banks away from certain lines of business, and that any bank that thought so was “misinterpreting” the FDIC’s original guidance that listed certain lines of business as being high risk. Any dummie should have understood that merely classifying a line of business as being “high risk” doesn’t mean that a bank shouldn’t bank that line of business, but should merely be prepared to justify, during subsequent examinations, exactly why the bank decided to jump into bed with pox-ridden harlots and to sell its soul to the Prince of Darkness. No worries, mate!

As the American Banker‘s Kevin Wack also notes, the FDIC has contended that any bank that choked a porn business (or spanked a porn monkey) did so solely as an independent business decision, with no pressure or influence at all from the FDIC. Any rumors to the contrary are vile calumny that will be met with an icy stare, followed by carpet napalm bombing via the FDIC’s reserve force of Vietnam War-era B-52s.

So, for the porn business, according the FDIC, the banking choke collar is off. Unless, of course, the porn is for a BDSM audience. Then collars will be perfectly appropriate attire.

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